Tangible

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My mum. She feels so close to me at the moment. It's wierd. Maybe it's the season. I almost feel her warm tangible intense love. On an everyday level, she remains in my heart and thoughts but just today it's almost like she is here. Her smiling, laughing self, with her beautiful brown eyes. I can almost feel her wisdom, her strength. ¨

Probably it's just because it's christmas soon. Although I haven't been forcing my thoughts onto her.

I've just awoken this morning with her nearness of her spirit. She was so brilliant at bringing laughter into heavy serious situations.

The loss is different after ten years. I thought in the beginning I'd never be able to live without her. Never truly breathe. That I would never get over it.

But I have.

I live.

I breathe.

I have achieved many great things. Without her here.

I have used the gifts she gave me when she truly did breathe. And all those years of prayer she put in for me, even before I was born. God answered her. He continues to answer her.

I like to imagine she is having a cup of tea and a cream cake with Jesus and their friends in a beautiful garden full of blue flowers and fresias. Her favourite way to pass the time.

Thank you Lord for the life you have given me, the mother you chose for me, the father you chose for me, and all the love you constantly surround me with.

Thank you for giving her and for taking her.

My heart is yours forever.

Funny how real she is to me today.

If anyone is passing or has the time, I'd love some little blue flowers or fresias on her grave. Hand picked daisies even, she would love that, or blue wild flowers. Thank you.

Now I breathe deeply, heartily and walk into my day. Hand in hand with our Creator.